What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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