I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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