I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
