I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
