If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
