Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
