I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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