thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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