you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
