I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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