John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
