Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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