She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
