I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
