i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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