My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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