some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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