Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
