his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
