That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
