My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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