Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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