i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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