my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
