we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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