I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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