There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
