In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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