He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
