I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I wear drunk well.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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