so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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