i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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