dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
