If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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