there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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