I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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