Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
