i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
