Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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