Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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