Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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