Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
