ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
