Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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