that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
