Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the day after is always just damage control
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
