Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
