When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
