The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
