Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
