Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
