my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
