So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
