Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
