i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
